so i currently do tech support for shaw, where i am treated like a stack of numbers and spend my day being told to do things that are not my job while they take away are tools to do so. i tell idiots how to make their televisions and porn work and if i succeed they get to rot their brains. i hate the very concept that my job exists and believe i am actively harming society every day i go to work, yet i do it because it pays the fucking bills. this is a whole new level of job dissatisfaction.
enter what i want to do, which is healing. i already do a fair amount of it instinctively, i can't help it really. i am already a trained (if new) doula and ofa 3 first aid attendant and i have a pretty solid base on my own in aromatherapy and herbal healing as well as many years of energy healing and counseling (which is ironic since i can't find a therapist for myself). i would really like to make my living doing what i love: healing and art of various types. this is not an easy transition. most, if not all of these are self employed professions, which is part of why i like them. it also means trying to slowly start doing more of my own stuff and eventually making the leap and leaving my day job. that's really scary but it would be less so if my day job wasn't so soul sucking and/or allowed me to cut back my hours gradually (32 hour/week min if i want my job, and they call it part time?). at the same time i feel that if i had a day job i didn't hate as much i might be comfortable staying there longer and not taking those steps to what i really want. and on the other hand (you have more fingers, yes i have three hands here) maybe if i was generally happier it would be easier to reach my goals since attitude is really important in such things. i don't know anymore and sometimes i think i'm just making excuses for feeling like a failure and demeaning myself by working for *shudder* those people. i get through my more stressful days by remembering that i am better then that place and it is beneath my dignity as a healer to care what any of them think.