Friday, April 23, 2010

the hatred of the chest

anyone who's met me has probably noticed two things about me first: my very long hair and my very large boobs. i'm tired of that. i like my hair but the boobs have got to go. besides being seen as a sex object, they cause me a large amount of physical pain, prevent me getting involved in a lot of activities, and make it impossible to find clothes that fit. i've taken to getting everything custom made off etsy (yay etsy!) because a shopping trip for new clothes takes me approximately 4 hours to find each article. twice that for bras. and each of those hours makes me more and more cranky and frustrated and hating of my body. although it has now been postponed due to work schedule twice, i do have a consultation booked with a plastic surgeon to see if msp will cover me getting a breast reduction done. worrying things include the fact that this consult was referred by my not-sure-if-i'm-keeping-her doctor who's office and practices seem straight out of the 50's and the allergist she recommended for me was even more of a time trip (has exam chairs in stained-yellow/cream curvy vinal, uses a typewriter instead of a computer). also that his name is dr boyle which is not at all confidence-inducing for a plastic surgeon. my recent forays into the bc medical system have read like a book of cliches on socialized medicine and i'm not impressed. if this guy strikes me as remotely like "my" personal doctor or my decrepit allergist there is no way in hell i'm letting him cut up my tits. i'm walking out without a word. course then i'll be back to stage one in finding a doctor who has both a brain and a heart and i'm beginning to think med school tends to surgically remove one or the other or both. *headesk*

after the recent forays into dental surgery and such it's really come home for me how violent western medicine is, especially compared the the kind of healing i do with others. there's a very "ends justify the means" and "oh suck it up already. here take these drugs and stop bothering me" kind of attitude. on the other side of that coin is where does it become necessary? oh a regular basis now i'll lift my breasts to try to relieve my neck and back pain for a moment and realize i can breathe a lot better when i do that! my breasts have actually gotten heavy enough that they are restricting my breathing! between having about half of them removed and having to quit smoking for the surgery i wouldn't be surprised if i no longer have asthma after this and can actually lose the 50lbs i'd like to because it wont hurt like hell to exercise. i really do want this done but i wish there was a better way.

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