those who know me may be aware that my depression is flaring up something fierce lately. that's one of the reasons i've not been blogging much. i've also been calling in sick to work and crying for hours and hours. while i do have many valid reasons to feel like shit, i know that part of it genuinely is a chemical imbalance. not that that matters very much when you're suicidal, but it's true nonetheless.
i had picked up a fiber supplement a couple months ago to try to help my poor digestion and since it was the same price i happened to get the one with B12 added to it. i figured it can never hurt to get some extra vitamins. well my stomach doesn't like the fiber powder but i found that on days i take it my moods are a lot more stable! enter some googling and other research and we discover that not only are vegetarians much more likely to have a B12 deficiency, but it's a necessary nutrient for normal brain and hormone function. huh. also, that people who are deficient in B12 are much more likely to suffer from depression and other mental illnesses. HUH!
so i got me some B12 tablets instead of the yucky powder and on the advice of the pharmacist, am taking a whopping dose (1000mg/day). the nice part is there are no side effects, no adjustment period, and you can't OD on it since it's water soluble and you'll just pee it out. so far it's been working quite well. of course it's also much easier to be happy on days that i'm not at my soul-sucking job so we'll see how i do through the week. it would be so nice to have the energy, motivation, and positivity to find a less soul-sucking job and a more pleasant apartment. fingers crossed, it might just be the solution i've been looking for to stop wanting to kill myself every other week.